Most of my friends have come to accept two things if they are out in public with me:
1. I WILL know someone wherever I go. (and if I don’t know someone, I’ll happen to talk to someone, who knows someone….)
2. Something ridiculous will happen. Usually things going wrong, or things getting in a pickle. (If they aren’t going wrong, then usually I accidentally give them a helping hand….)
Often 1 & 2 tie themselves together. For Example, I once dived under a table to hide from the person who’s walked into the room, whom I didn’t like…. In the process (which looked like a mix between a James Bond move…. and a constipated swan) I managed to knock over a glass of coke. Resulting in my very wet crotch, when said person of dislike came to greet me.
A classic example occurred tonight. Out for dinner with my Parents, Grandparents and Aunt for My Granddad’s birthday.
Things of note:
- My mum and dad knew 2 of the people on the next table, My aunt two people from a table further down and there were a few more familiar faces in there.
- Everything had gone swimmingly with no major event…. until.
It’s after main course. We’re waiting tea, but when it’s a birthday you are really awaiting the cake.
Good ole “Poppa” (My granddad) Decides it’s time to assess the restaurant’s porcelain, at the same time as the restaurant decides it’s cake time.
Up he gets, and off he saunters towards the rear (right) of the restaurant oblivious to the fluster also occurring at the rear (left) involving 2 waitresses and a waiter (the cake).
No sooner has the door to the toilet closed, the lights in the restaurant fade, as does the music, and our waitress prepares for “Happy Birthday”.
By this point, Mother, Aunt and Nanny are uncontrollable hysterical not knowing what to do.
It was a stroke of luck (and a lot of flapping on my behalf) that the waitress caught my eye, and decided it was best to abandon mission for a short while. Lights on, music back, confused fellow diners.
Needless to say, when he returned from the cloakroom, no one was able to look at each other.
Point proven. We knew someone, and something went wrong.
Some call it a bock, I prefer “the spice of life” but wherever I go, something crazy happens, resulting in a great story for retelling at a later date. All the Crazy things are true! PROMISE!